That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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