so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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