I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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