So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
