if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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