well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
