i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
