ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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