P.S. I can't hear my feet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
