I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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