Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
