He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
