I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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