My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
