I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize