so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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