My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
