Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
