Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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