how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
