piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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