Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
