Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
