i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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