the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
