Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
