before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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