New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
