her vagine was all disorganized.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
