He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
