After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
