don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
