Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
