I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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