I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
