Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
