trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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