I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This toilet bowl is my home.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
