does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
tell me about the fingering
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