tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
