No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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