I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
