i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
