I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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