i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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