last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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