Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
