Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
