The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
