This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
