You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
