dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
