i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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