I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
