I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
