I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
