this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
