I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
