I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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