I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
