I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
