You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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