If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
