did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
