Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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