Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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