FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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